Dual-National Panic Rankings: MLS Forwards Edition
A panic ranking of a slightly different nature for you all.
Everything’s just been going a little too smoothly in USMNT world lately. There’s Americans succeeding at unprecedented levels all over the place, in England and Germany and Italy and a whole bunch of other places, to boot. There’s transfer rumors. And, in a very pleasant turn of events, there’s a host of young forwards playing in MLS that are eligible for the United States Men’s National Team. That’s good! That’s a good thing. We want people at all places pushing the people at the top of the pool, and that’s especially true at forward, where Jozy Altidore struggles with health, Josh Sargent might be good but is playing for a bad team, Tim Weah is still struggling to see the field for Lille, and Gyasi Zardes is playing the best soccer of his car- I mean, UGH, GYASI ZARDES, GROSS.
I aim to dismantle all that. Because there’s one slight issue with all of these forwards in MLS: almost all of them are also eligible to play for other countries. So, to resurrect an old idea that hasn’t been co-opted by anyone else at all, ever, anywhere, I’m writing a Panic Ranking. But unlike my old panic rankings, where I suggested how worried a given club should be, I’m telling you how worried you should be. Yes, you. USMNT fan reading this newsletter. Want your day to get a little more frantic? Spicier? Then buckle up.
A Tropical Drink with a Little Umbrella in It: Chris Mueller, Jesus Ferreira, Khiry Shelton
For the purposes of this list, I stuck with people that have either yet to make a senior international appearance for the U.S., or only have one or two to their name, and wouldn’t really be considered a shoe-in for the USMNT by any means. This is the crew of guys I don’t think you need to spend any time worrying about, and they’ve all reached this distinction by very different means! For Jesus Ferreira, it’s all about the loyalty. Even though he only maintained his U.S. citizenship recently, he’s been a frequent invite to U.S. youth camps at several levels, he’s already put himself on Berhalter’s radar, and in general, he’s given every indication that he wants to represent the United States. You don’t need to worry about Chris Mueller because I’m fairly certain there is no other country he can represent internationally, although I think you should be looking at Mr. Mueller for how incisive he can be in transition. And you don’t need to worry about Khiry Shelton because he’s not getting anywhere close to the national team again.
And, for a base level of prospects on the radar, this seems… pretty good, to be honest. There’s two guys here that I think could potentially work their way into the national team picture and they are solid, dyed-in-the-wool U.S. players. That’s always a very nice thing to fall back on. Keep sipping on your drinks, people. This round is smooth sailing.
Probably OK, But You Can Feel That Thin Trickle of Sweat Running Down the Middle of Your Back: Jeremy Ebobisse
I knew that Jeremy Ebobisse had a good left foot. I did not know, before last night, that he had this in his bag of tricks. I talk a lot about the way that Ebobisse has rounded out his game and become a more complete player, but when you’re a striker, there’s nothing like scoring a good goal. And this, my friends, is a good goal.
Ebobisse is a guy that will most likely be starting for the Olympic side next summer, and after that, I’m curious to see where his trajectory takes him. At the moment, he’s a very good MLS striker. A lot of teams could use Jeremy Ebobisse right now (like the LA Galaxy, for example). This strike hints at the “there’s more to come” factor that Jebo has always had in his game, a little penchant for the spectacular that could land him somewhere else in the world, plying his trade for bigger audiences.
Ebobisse was born in France, is of Cameroonian descent, and according to his Wikipedia page, also has roots in Madagascar. France is probably out of the question for him. Madagascar is as well, for vastly different reasons. Cameroon, however… who knows? If he gets a move, if he doesn’t see a path for him with the U.S. anymore? Stranger things have happened. I put this firmly in “makes your hair raise on your neck for reasons you’re unsure of” area, in that it’s unlikely that we lose Ebobisse, but also, inside the realm of possibility.
The Vast, Yawning Deep of the Unknown: Daryl Dike
You came here for existential dread, right? Cool. Here’s Daryl Dike.
Daryl Dike’s growth has been a joy to watch this season. The rookie has made all the teams that passed on him in the SuperDraft look extremely silly, and catapulted himself into the national team conversation this year with his combination of size, explosiveness, and ability to combine with his fellow attackers in the final third. Far from a striker who gets by on his athleticism, Dike has shown a tremendous understanding for a first-year pro of how best to use his natural gifts, while also demonstrating some excellent hold-up play.
The thing about Dike is that there’s still so much we don’t know about him. We don’t know just how good he will become, but if it’s anything like his current trajectory suggests, it is much better than staying in MLS for more than another year or so. And we also don’t know who he will choose to represent internationally, because the dude has a family tradition. Both Daryl’s older brother, Bright, and sister, Courtney, played for Nigeria. His cousin, Emmanuel Emenike, also appeared for the Super Eagles over thirty times during his journeyman career. Daryl was born and raised in Oklahoma, and attended school in Virginia, which is just about as American as you can possibly get. But with how much potential he seems to have, it would be a bit of a shock if Nigeria didn’t come calling one of these days (especially seeing as they went after Bright, who spent nearly his entire career in the MLS and USL and was hurt for a solid portion of it). What if Daryl Dike gets really, really good? What if he’s the perfect combination of Jozy Altidore and Brian McBride people have always wanted? What if the entire East Coast slides off the continental shelf and into the infinite emptiness of the ocean beneath us, where only the microscopic bacteria will bear witness to all of us being crushed from the pressure?
Let’s Form an Emergency Plan Right Now: Ricardo Pepi
You want to talk about a person that another country is actively plotting to wrest away from the U.S.? Let’s talk about Ricardo Pepi. He’s stood out since he was 16 years old, for obvious reasons: the kid is massive. He towers over most people playing soccer that are his age. He towers over some seasoned veterans, as well. But it’s Pepi’s slick footwork that caught the eye of most youth national team observers, coordination belying his long, gangling limbs.
We know this story, though. Pepi has represented both the United States and Mexico at the youth level. At the moment, the U.S. appears to hold an advantage, as Pepi elected to play with the U.S. over the course of the 2019 U-17 World Cup cycle. But things like that can change quickly. Just ask Jonathan Gonzalez.
Look, we don’t want to lose another player to Mexico, right? Especially one so full of promise, and especially at a position where the U.S. is still desperately searching for someone to rely on. And especially not to Mexico. Seriously. If Ricardo Pepi is scoring goals for Mexico against the U.S. in a couple years I’m going to throw something. It’s going to happen. You know it’s going to happen. You feel the bile rise in the back of your throat. You desperately crash through your medicine cabinet, looking for the Pepto Bismol. You unscrew it and go to take a swig: it’s empty. You turn it upside-down. From this angle it looks like it says “Pepi Bismol.” You vomit.
DEFCON 1, THE CANADIANS ARE GOING TO BURN DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE AGAIN: Ayo Akinola
Because here’s an uncomfortable truth: Ayo Akinola should absolutely pick Canada.
That right there? That’s live footage of what Akinola will be doing to Aaron Long at next year’s Gold Cup.
Akinola has been in the U.S. youth system for what feels like forever, but really, it makes so much more sense for him to play for Canada, and that’s a real problem for us. Realistically, in the Canadian set-up, Akinola really only has Jonathan David to compete with for playing time, given Lucas Cavallini’s current devotion to ineptitude. In the U.S.? The picture is murkier, to say the absolute least. Chances are, however, there are several people immediately ahead of Akinola in the U.S. pecking order.
So, picture it with me: a Gold Cup, a Nations League, a World Cup match in 2026, the Round of 16. We settle down in our concrete bunkers, eating MREs and sipping the recycled water from our personal waste collection systems. The ball flies through the completely indoor air as Chris Richards runs back, tracking it’s progress through the completely sealed warehouse where the games are all being held after the Neurotoxin Hurricane of 2023 forced the remnants of humanity underground. Richards gets obliterated by Ayo Akinola’s shoulder, who takes a touch to settle the ball down, and then shoots it so hard not even Matt Turner can save it. We all howl for a foul to our television sets. Alexi Lalas’ suspended head in a jar thinks it was a clean play. Canada wins 1-0.
Re: Nigeria. Because I follow Arsenal, I know more about this than any American probably ought to due to the presence of one Bukayo Saka. He was born in England, he has lived in England his entire life, he started and came up through the Arsenal Academy. In short, thoroughly English. His parents (I believe) emigrated from Nigeria and so he is also eligible to represent the Super Eagles (which is an awesome name).
As of right now, the Nigerian Football Federation policy for players like Saka and Dike is to make them aware of their eligibility, once, and then leave it up to the player. Whether or not that lasts, who knows. Whether or not they've contacted Dike as they did with Saka, also something I don't know. But there it is.