You may have noticed, the current soccer-less landscape, that there actually is some soccer on. Australia plugs away, as do a few other smaller countries and leagues. But absolutely no one is doing it like Belarus, who have taken the opportunity to take their collective shirt off and scream “come at me, bro” at the coronavirus.
![Twitter avatar for @Jacklfc159](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/Jacklfc159.jpg)
Yes, my friends. This is an absolutely terrible idea, and will probably result in deaths. Not just because the Belarus Premier League is still occurring, but because they are also the one league in the world that is also still letting all of their fans come to their games with none of their respective shirts. In fact, pretty much all of Belarus is acting like nothing is happening. That’s due to a president that thinks the virus is hysteria, but unlike your standard issue authoritarian clowns like Trump and Bolsonaro, he isn’t scared about the possibility of being incorrect in his assumption that things will just turn out ok. He thinks everyone should just drink vodka and the virus will sort itself out through sheer blunt alcohol trauma. Here he is playing ice hockey.
Lukashenko scratches his face with his hockey glove. If you’ve been inside a hockey locker room, you are already aware that any and all hockey equipment rivals the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone in cleanliness. And Belarus should know all about that, since the Exclusion Zone includes them too! If this video didn’t give you the hint, this man has been president of Belarus since 1994. When the government of Belarus was formed and the presidential position created. President is a fairly loose term.
And thus, there is still soccer. Inexplicable, terrifying soccer. A place where people can all take their shirts off as one and cheer for their team, like so many cells coming together as one. This should go well.
Harry Kane Might Leave Tottenham at the Exact Moment He’s Probably Not a Useful Buy for a Team Trying to Win a Trophy
Harry’s had a great run, really. Far more than anyone would expect him to. And are Tottenham actually going to win a trophy with Jose Mourinho at the helm? No, probably not. They might squeeze a Carabao Cup out somewhere, but that’s not really what Kane means when he says he wants to see the club “progress,” is it?
Really, who takes Harry Kane, right now? Let’s throw out anything that’s not in England, because I don’t see him leaving. So, who will challenge for silverware? Liverpool (lol), Manchester City (double lol), and then after that there’s Chelsea (who have every young forward on Earth stockpiled in there, seems like), Arsenal (who have so many forwards they just skip Daylight Savings), and Manchester United (Rashford, Martial, and possibly Ole throwing himself in there, who knows). Who shells out the money for Kane? What, does he become the missing piece at Everton?
Tottenham is just the only club in England that really makes sense for what Kane wants. He just probably won’t win a trophy there.
Trivia Baby
When did the offside rule as it is enforced today (i.e. a player is onside as long as he is even with at least two opposing players, including the opposing goalkeeper) come to be? I’ll give you a five year cushion either way for correct answers.
Yesterday’s Trivia: that queen would be RuPaul Pogba.