Let's Talk About Mo Salah's Abs
Let's Talk About Mo Salah's Abs
Seriously. What mysteries are those things guarding.
So, the Premier League officially has a plan to come back and a start daHOLY CRAP LOOK AT MO SALAH’S ABS.
Mo Salah’s abs aren’t… new? We’ve seen Mo Salah’s abs before.
But somehow this new picture still takes me off guard. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t expect any soccer player to look quite this shredded after a months-long break which included a lot of time spent exclusively working out by himself. Maybe I just haven’t seen these abs in a long time.
Alright, it’s the split abs thing. It’s definitely the split abs thing. Homie looks like he has a fjord running through the center of his stomach.
My wife tells me this looks like something called diastasis recti, which is actually quite common, albeit in women who are postpartum. The condition occurs when the ab muscles literally separate from one another. This makes sense as a condition that occurs after women deliver a baby: delivery inflicts incredible trauma upon the body. Diastasis recti, according to several WebMD-esque websites I looked at, can happen in up to 60% of women who give birth. The condition is much more rare in men. However, it can be caused by putting too much stress on the abdominal muscles through weight training, and imbalance of muscles, or simply incorrectly using weights, causing the muscles to split apart.
What I’m trying to say is, holy crap, Mo Salah worked out so hard during the break that he literally split his stomach muscles apart.
Imagine what life is going to be like for defenders when this man gets back on the field. He’s trained so hard by himself that his stomach looks like the partially-cracked open doors to the Fortress of Solitude, or the Batcave, or something. I don’t actually know if either of those superhero lairs have doors, but if they did, they would look like Mo Salah’s abs, protecting all the secrets to his great and mysterious power. I think I can actually see part of his soul. It’s just guarded by mountains of stomach muscle.
Premier League is back on June 17th after 100 days away. Mo Salah and his beautifully destroyed stomach will be there.
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It’s Going Poorly for David Wagner
At one point, Wagner looked like he had turned Schalke around from the nihilistic malaise that infected the club last season. That trend has not continued!
I don’t know what it is about Schalke, but both Wagner and former coach Domenico Tedesco have had such similar slides that it really makes you think. Both came in, aggressively implemented a different, idealistic way to play the game, saw initial success with those styles, and then… ended up playing for set pieces for 90 minutes game in, game out. I don’t know if Schalke will really want to get rid of David Wagner considering the state of the world and how little time they might have by next season for another new coach to come in and acclimate to the team, while at the same time, the team acclimates to him. But it’s worth noting, as the only American manager in a Top 5 European league, that Wagner’s days appear to be numbered.
Save us, Jesse Marsch. You’re our only hope.
